“I feel bare. I didn’t realize I wore my secrets as armor until they were gone and now everyone sees me as I really am.”We all have secrets and parts of ourselves that we hide from others for one reason or another, but what happens when we can’t hold them inside anymore? What do those secrets end up looking like after being kept inside that dark space for so long? Are they broken? Ugly? Free? Do we end up relieved, or do we step back farther into the dark where it’s safe to be afraid? We all have a choice to be free of all that holds us down, but will we?
I choreographed this dance originally in college but never felt like it was complete or conveyed what I wanted it to. After going through the rehearsal process, I ended up changing the entire dance and keeping the motifs I loved about it in the first place. I have asked each of my dancers to think about a secret that they keep, and to convey through their bodies how it makes them feel. For me, my secret was my struggle to ask for help with my anxiety. It took me a long time to get to a place where I could admit it to myself, and others, that I needed help. I finally dealt with the fact that my brain couldn’t control it, and that I wasn’t strange or any less of a person because of it.
So what will your choice be?