Here We Go Again

Whenever I blog for Motus, I am always blown away at how easily I overlook the life-defining effects of dance on my life.  I wrote my first blog nearly a year ago, and in it I defined how my inclusion into the Motus community had helped carry me through many of the large life transitions I was facing.  I remember expecting those transitions; being prepared for them and seeing them as scheduled-in-advance.  That’s not to say I knew everything.  I had no idea where my employment would take me, I couldn’t predict how long I would reside with my parents, and I truly didn’t know if Motus would continue to sustain my need (not want, NEED) of dance in my life.  But I did think that the major life changes would slow down, much as they did after transitioning and settling in to college life.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is where I went wrong.  This has been a year of overhaul for me.  I changed jobs twice (both steps up in the world), helped my parents get their house ready for sale, moved to Broad Ripple, decided I was ready to start dating again (which really doesn’t mean much since I don’t actually date anyone), and lost my grandmother.  I watched one of my close family friends get married and have a beautiful daughter, enrolled myself in ToastMasters to overcome my fear of public speaking, and helped coordinate a re-enactment of Christ’s last week on earth.  Needless to say it has, and continues to be, a busy time in my life.  Sometimes that is a comforting fact, and sometimes it is a stressful one, but either way, I know it’s something I wouldn’t be capable of achieving if I weren’t dancing.

Dance steadies me.  It reminds me who I am.  When the stress from the office, or the planning, or the moving overcomes me, I can let it out on the dance floor with a leap or an inversion or a shoulder stand.  Even on my worst day, I know I can trust by body to be reliable.  That doesn’t mean I don’t fall, believe me, I do.  But, my body tries things that the general population thinks are inhuman, and often succeeds.  It makes me feel powerful yet delicate; the perfect fusion of femininity and athleticism.

This fall I am not simply dancing at Motus, I am also choreographing for Cultivate.  If dance steadies me, choreography pushes me off balance.  I enjoy the creative and intellectual challenge of seeing my concept come to life, but it is a process that is much more wrought with doubt and skepticism.  I know that I tend to feel this way throughout the first third or so of the rehearsal process, and I’m trying my best to calm my fears and remind myself that this is always how I get.  However, if it were not for the limitless beauty and commitment from my spectacular dancers and the support and encouragement from the Motus artists, I don’t know that I would ever see my concept come to life on stage.  I am thrilled yet nervous about what I hope to achieve this fall and will save the idea of my concept for another blog.  Let’s just say, it’s a good thing I have dance to alleviate my choreography jitters.  There’s nothing that feels more like home than bare feet on the marley floor.




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