identity crisis

Most of my choreography in the past has in some way been a reflection of my own life, and this time is no exception. Only this time I’m not as concerned with conveying messages or emotions or experiences. I want the piece to be abstract enough so that the audience will be given the uninterrupted opportunity to interpret what they see for themselves, drawing upon their own life experiences.

Here’s a little insight into my current identity crisis and the motivation behind my movement: I feel like I cycle through phases from time to time — dance is either my entire life or dance is just a part of my life. I either live to dance, or allow dance to fall into the backdrop of other daily and weekly activities that are pieced together to create a schedule. For several years, I let my passion for dance retreat from the forefront of my consciousness and my artistic side lay dormant. There was and is a practical side of my conscience harping on me to do what I thought at the time was best for my future. That my chosen career path at the time should be deserving of my full attention. Focus on grad school. Keep a full-time job to pay off my graduate degree and plan to go back to school for a related higher degree, and so on. Only I want and need to dance. I somehow don’t care so much anymore about being good enough, and have started to let go of so many of the insecurities and hang-ups that prevented me from pursuing a dance career after college.

I was afraid that the choreographic process would be more of a struggle for me than it has been, since the last time I choreographed a concert piece was over 6 years ago. Instead I am enjoying every aspect of the creative process. I have had four rehearsals so far – two group rehearsals, and two rehearsals with just two of the dancers at a time. I’m fortunate to have talented, patient, supportive, well-rounded dancers that pick up material quickly and aren’t afraid to try lifts that I make up in my head! J Several other little dance-related projects and opportunities have come up simultaneously for me. Everything that is going on is helping me stay present and focus on one thing at a time. I haven’t had a chance to second-guess myself, procrastinate, or over-analyze anything. It has been a long time since my schedule has been this full with movement-related classes and projects. I love it.

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